trusting the snow.

two minutes after leaving for work i knew i probably shouldn't have been on the road, the snow was so thick & our roads had not been plowed yet. but, i made it to work & it only took a few hours for me to convince ruby that all was well & mama just needed some tea. came home early, same crazy drive home, same small test for me in truly trusting God, in truly, really, giving Him my worries & my concerns & letting that be It... letting them be His & resting in the peace that Is. it is a small thing for some but a huge thing for me, wrestling with total trust when it comes to some things. i often see problems that aren't even there, that just may Happen To Be. i tend to visit the worst case scenarios First, and then work my way backwards. i internalize other people's realities sometimes & let that affect the perspective of my own. so today i am praying that i get over my fear of my due date, which is the same day that a good friend lost her own little one in birth. i don't believe the day to be jinxed or to be anything other than Her day, really. i don't want to touch that sacred time. so any day other than that one, i ask ruby, i ask God. but the day & the time is Their decision, not mine. i am merely supposed to be present, to be open, to embrace the process & to Trust. & to once again remember that my children are not My children, they are God's.


Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

(kahlil gibran)



& how heavy, how thick the snow is outside. more snow than i can remember over the last few years, maybe even since we've been here. grateful for matthew being home this week, for mySelf not having to go to work tomorrow, for hot coffee & warm dinners & for singing my babies to sleep.

& so grateful that each day has enough worry of its own, & how i am learning to rest in that, in being Right Here, in being as present as i can, for whatever the day brings. & allowing tomorrow to be tomorrow.